The Mindset Shift That Will Make You Happier
An evidence-based approach to living a more joyful life.
In a previous article, I shared how a minimalist lifestyle helps me to declutter my mind, and be more mindful which in turn brings me joy. This time I would like to share a new concept I recently stumbled into: synthetic happiness.
Remember the saying that happiness is a choice? This is what synthetic happiness is all about, choices. It’s like a cheat code. While natural happiness usually comes from external events like getting what we want, pursuing our passions or being around those we love, synthetic happiness is the type of happiness we make when we don’t get what we want. It is the kind of happiness that we can experience even when things are tough.
This article explores a profound mindset shift—one that advocates limiting choices and embracing the liberation that comes with letting go of all other options once we have made a decision.
“Happiness = Reality - Expectations” - Oliver Burkeman
Happiness vs Choices
The relationship between choices and happiness is a complex one. On one hand, having more choices can lead to greater happiness, as it gives us a sense of freedom and more control over our lives. On the other hand, the burden of an abundance of choices can overwhelm us, leading to decision fatigue and a perpetual state of dissatisfaction known as overchoice.
We now have many more choices than our ancestors did. In the past, our lives were largely predetermined by our circumstances. We had little say in our jobs, our marital status, or whether or not we had children. In a harsh environment, being choosy about what we ate or how we dressed could be deadly. Today, life is much different. Firstly because we value individual freedom and autonomy above all else and secondly because we have more choices than ever before. Our brains are not really prepared for it.
Another growing body of research suggests that too many choices can actually make us less happy. We’re paralysed by trying to decide which choice is the best, which can also lead to second-guessing our initial decision.
The sweet spot is to have just enough choices to feel like we have control over our lives, but not so many choices that we become overwhelmed, stressed and anxious.
Limiting Our Choices
Before you freak out, limiting our choices doesn't mean giving up on our dreams or goals. It means being more selective about the choices we make.
Drawing from the renowned 'Paradox of Choice' theory by psychologist Barry Schwartz: The more choices we have, the less happy we are.
What I mean is that in any field of our lives, instead of trying to explore every possible option out there, it is imperative that we narrow it down to a few (let’s say 3) that we’re truly passionate about or find the most interesting. After that, focus on these few and forget that other possibilities exist.
How Less Choices Make Us Happier
First, it reduces stress and anxiety. When we have too many choices to make, it can be difficult to decide which one is the best. This can lead to overthinking, second-guessing, and ultimately, regret, and what a perfect combo for unhappiness.
Second, limiting our choices frees up our time and energy. When we're constantly making decisions, we don't have as much time and energy to be present and enjoy every experience we have.
Third, limiting our choices can help us to be more grateful. When we have a lot of choices, we tend to take things for granted. But when we're more selective about the choices we make, we appreciate them more.
Ways of Limiting Your Choices
Setting clear goals and priorities. Think about what you want to achieve in life? What is important to you? Once you know what you want, you can start to eliminate choices that don't align with your goals and priorities.
“If you don't know where you're going, any road will get you there.” – Lewis Carroll.
Do your research. Before making a decision, take some time to research all of your possible options extensively. This will help you to make a more informed decision and avoid regret later on.
Seek input from others. Talk to people you trust about your decisions. They can offer you valuable insights and help you arrive at the best decision for you.
Trust your intuition. Sometimes, the best way to make a decision is to simply trust your gut. If you have a good feeling about a choice, go for it!
Live With Your Choices
Once you've made a decision, it's important to let go of it and move on. If there’s one single takeaway from this article is to be brave enough to move on once a decision has been made and take responsibility for its consequences.
“There are no right or wrong decisions, only choices.” — Sanhita Baruah
This doesn't mean that you can't change your mind later if necessary. But it does mean that you shouldn't dwell on the past or second-guess your decisions.
Tips for letting go of your choices:
Accept that you can't control everything. There will always be factors outside of your control that affect your outcomes.
Focus on the positive aspects of your decision. Even if your decision doesn't turn out the way you hoped, there are always lessons to be learned and opportunities for growth.
Be mindful of your thoughts and feelings. Pay attention to how you feel when you're making decisions. Are you feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or anxious? If so, it may be a sign that you have too many choices - trim them down.
Give yourself a time limit. When you're struggling to make a decision, set a time limit for yourself. Once the time limit is up, make a decision and stick with it.
Don't be afraid to say no. It's okay to say no to opportunities and requests, even if they seem good. If you don't have the time, energy, or resources to pursue something, it's better to say no than to take on too much and end up feeling overwhelmed.
“Don't be so thirsty for opportunity that you drink from every cup handed to you. That's how you get poisoned.“ - Anonymous
Forgive yourself for making mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. If you make a decision that you later regret, don't beat yourself up about it, select other three options worth exploring and go for it.
Practice gratitude. Focus on the positive aspects of your life, including the choices that you have made. This will help you to appreciate what you have and reduce any feelings of regret.
Surround yourself with positive people. Spend time with people who support you and make you feel good.
Limiting our choices is a simple but powerful mindset shift that can lead to a happier and more fulfilling life. It reduces stress and anxiety, frees up our time and energy, and helps us to be more grateful.
Try limiting your choices in one area of your life this week. See how it makes you feel!
Best regards,
Reference(s):
Burkeman, O. (2013, October 12). Happiness: Reality vs. expectations. The Guardian. Retrieved from https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/oct/12/happiness-reality-expectations-oliver-burkeman
The Decision Lab. (2023, October 14). Choice overload bias. Retrieved from https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/choice-overload-bias
Gilbert, D. T. (2004, February 25). The surprising science of happiness. Retrieved from https://www.ted.com/talks/dan_gilbert_the_surprising_science_of_happiness?language=en
Servants University. (2023, October 14). Synthetic happiness vs. natural happiness. Retrieved from https://www.servantsuniversity.com/synthetic-happiness-vs-natural-happiness/
Grant, A. M. (2012, January). The science behind the smile. Harvard Business Review. Retrieved from https://hbr.org/2012/01/the-science-behind-the-smile
Manson, M. (2023, October 14). How to be happy. Mark Manson. Retrieved from https://markmanson.net/how-to-be-happy
Thank you for sharing 🫶🏾
It’s so accurate 💯
we dwell with so many fears and 100% of them are not real, as they never happened and we just got stuck for a “theoretical” problem or something else.
Thank you for sharing Luimar